open mic night

So today I attended my first open mic night ever at my high school and it was pretty cool. My favorite part was when my two friends went up and did some improvisation work-one portraying the person I have a crush on and my other friend portraying a fellow student. It was just so funny and amusing. I loved being able to watch others perform. Some acts were not perfect, some students let nerves get the best of them, or forgot some of the words to their song, but there is something to be said about having the guts to stand up and perform in front of others and to keep on going even if a mistake is made. I can tell you right now that if I were up there and I made a mistake I would probably have walked off…just because I’m weird like that.
But the show didn’t start till 7: 00 P.M. and school ended at 3:15 so I had to spend hours in school but I had a great time. For the first hour and a half I finished some homework then I hanged out with my “girlfriend” and some of my other friends. We had an amazing time laughing and joking. I remember hanging out with one of my friends in the bathroom and we took pics of each other standing next to the mirror or doing stupid and crazy things. One time my friend dropped her phone and she fell with it. We were in hysterics! And one of my friends brought her boyfriend, and so we are all hanging around talking and laughing, when I can not remember why, but I decide to take off my skirt. I did have pants underneath the skirt but I guess my friend's boyfriend didn’t know that so when I got up and started taking off my skirt he says in this surprised voice, “what are you doing?’ it was so funny. I can not even describe the look on his voice or his tone of voice. His eyes just lit up in shock. Me and my “girlfriend” laughed about it for quite awhile.
After open mic me and some other seniors went out to this ice cream place called The Cup. I was graciously invited by my friend el gato, which was awesome. When we got there we ordered ice cream and sat or stood around this one tiny table and it was just a fun time. I stayed quiet but I loved listening to everyone else talk. I didn’t always understand what they were saying or who they were talking about but it was still cool. I for one didn’t feel so alone.
Today was an awesome day, I know I said that so many times but it really was. I didn’t feel so alone today. I felt connected to others. And for some reason today, during open mic, I started to think that the loneliness that I often feel burdened by is experienced by many of my friends at school, even when they hang out with each other.. And it’s so weird because I think about how all of us are encountering the same type of loneliness, yet the fact that we are going through a similar experience does NOT bring us closer together. I think it’s because we are all so afraid of letting go and letting others in and allowing others to let go. We just stay wrapped up in our own little world and we don’t really let others into it. Or sometimes we just hurt each other so much that we cause others to be afraid to let go. I know that’s what happened in my case. I have been hurt so many times by my family that many times I feel like I c not trust anybody, I mean if the people who were supposed to love me left me and hurt me, how can I expect others not to the same? It’s hard because that thinking just isolates me and causes me to feel even more pain. But I fear getting hurt and being abandoned and alone so I push others away and end up feeling pain, abandoned, and alone. It doesn’t make sense. I have even been distancing myself from God which has hurt me the most. I don’t think many people understand what it is like to feel so close to God and then to just not be able to feel Him at all. I’ve just been so scared to really trust Him and let go. I still have a lot of trust issues and perfectionist issues, but I am trying to let go.
Drama Honors is going a lot better. I still haven’t really spoken but I am learning to relax. My teacher is so extremely funny and so is the rest of the class. I think I’ll talk about drama honors and playwriting tomorrow…this entry is already long enough!